The ‘Having It All’ Trap: Redefining Success on International Women's Day
- Athene Parker
- Mar 7
- 3 min read
‘The real revolution isn't in trying to do it all—it's in refusing to accept a system that demands we sacrifice our wellbeing on the altar of perfectionism.’
The phrase "having it all" has become both a rallying cry and a heavy burden for modern women. As we celebrate International Women's Day, it's time to examine how this seemingly empowering concept has transformed into a pressure cooker of impossible expectations and self-imposed standards that leave many women exhausted, discouraged, and questioning their worth.
The contemporary narrative suggests that women can—and should—excel simultaneously as professionals, mothers, partners, friends, and individuals while maintaining picture-perfect homes, pursuing personal passions, and staying physically fit. Jeeze I’m fuc*ing knackered just writing this. This idealised vision of female achievement has created a generation of women who are constantly running on empty, chasing an ever-receding finish line of "enough."
The reality? We're burning out. Behind closed doors, women confess to feeling like frauds when they can't maintain the juggling act. The mental load of managing multiple roles, combined with the guilt of not meeting self-imposed standards in each area, creates a toxic cycle of overwork and self-criticism. We've internalised the message that anything less than excellence in all domains equals failure. Yup…. I’m going to have to go and have a lie down!
What's particularly insidious about the "having it all" trap is how it's marketed as female empowerment. The underlying message suggests that if we're not succeeding in every sphere simultaneously, we're failing to take advantage of the opportunities our feminist forebears fought to secure. This creates a painful paradox: the very freedoms won through decades of struggle have been transformed into obligations that chain us to unrealistic standards.
The path forward isn't about lowering our ambitions but about redefining success on our own terms. It's about recognising that "having it all" doesn't mean having everything simultaneously, at maximum intensity, all the time. True empowerment lies in the freedom to choose our priorities, to accept that different seasons of life may require different focus areas, and to understand that saying "no" to some things allows us to say a more meaningful "yes" to others. I watched an interview with Gisele Bündchen once, and she was recounting a conversation with a friend who said ‘your yes means nothing if you don’t know how to say no’ … it stuck with me.
This International Women's Day, let's challenge the narrative that women must constantly prove their worth through superhuman achievement. Let's acknowledge that the mental health cost of perpetual striving is too high. Instead of asking women to bend themselves to fit an impossible ideal, we need to question why our society still structures work, family life, and success metrics in ways that set women up for exhaustion and self-doubt.
The real revolution isn't in trying to do it all—it's in refusing to accept a system that demands we sacrifice our wellbeing on the altar of perfectionism. It's in creating support networks that allow for vulnerability and rest. It's in celebrating the messy, imperfect reality of being human, rather than the glossy highlight reel of "having it all."
As we move forward, let's reframe the conversation. Instead of asking "Can women have it all?" let's ask "What do individual women want for their lives, and how can society better support those choices?" Let's create spaces like emPOWER, where women can be honest about their struggles without fear of judgment. Let's acknowledge that sometimes good enough is just that… good enough.
The strongest statement we can make this International Women's Day might be simply this. We are enough, exactly as we are, even when we're not doing it all. Our worth isn't measured by our productivity or our ability to maintain an exhausting balancing act. The true marker of progress will be when women feel free to define success on their own terms, without the weight of society's expectations crushing their spirits.
It's time to break free from the "having it all" trap and embrace a more sustainable, authentic vision of female empowerment—one that makes room for rest, imperfection, and the beautiful messiness of being human.
